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Kent, the acne-ridden weirdo is saying that I should take Lucas and he wants to go with April to the Cruise. He said that (from what Caty told me) I don't know him, and he knows April better. Even though he's only seen April once.
Okay, I do feel a little cut. According to Eleanor, he thinks April's really pretty or something. I could have heard wrongly, cus i was multi-tasking at the time :P But April said Kent was like her last resort...hahahaha...Kent doesn't know that.
Well, I'm just going to go alone. Eleanore and Caty said I should take Lucas. But..I dunno...I guess I'll think about it. I'll probably go alone though. I'm used to it. Who would want to bring a fat ugly blob anyway.
In the words of Ele(Lodge Eleanore, not MLC Eleanor): "Why do the 3 of us (her, SY and me) have sum kind of suffering thingy?!"
Eleanore's life is miserable thanks to sum bitches at school and Sy has ych (a silly fool) to worry about. He's ignoring her and flirting with other girls, that bastard.
Haha...I guess that's part of the package that comes along with growing up. I hate that term. It reminds me of work, responsibility, stress, worries...and the list goes on.
Don't mind me, I'm just being my usual brooding self, thinking about stuff...
There's just so many things going on right now:
English speech
Maths homework
River Cruise- What dress to wear, what shoes, should I get my make-up done professionally, should I get my hair done professionally, if not, how should I do it, should I go alone or take Lucas.
Now, in writing, you might think: That's not a lot.
Well, it doesn't LOOK like a lot but if you think about the English speech: I have to memorise it, know it well and perform it like I'm talking normally and not reading off palm cards. I haven't even finished my draft yet and it's due tomorrow.
The Maths homework: I don't get some things which are pretty important and if I keep leaving it and postpone trying to understand the things I don't understand like I always do, I'll fail in Maths
And then sometime when I start to ponder about things, one of the scariest questions that always seem to pop up in my mind is: What am I going to do after Year 12?
I would like to do something in Art or...Music, even if I have no special talents. But my parents and in particular my mum, are probably expecting something big from me. Like studying medicine or I dunno, some job that requires smart people like lawyers, doctors, anything that is medical or receives a large income.
All I want to do is travel the world after Year 12. That's not very ambitious. Is it?
Sometimes I just want to be able to be a kid again and not have to worry about all this. And sometimes i just wish I could end all the questions and worries. There are just so many worries and so much expectations and pressure. They might not say it out loud what they would like out of me, but you can tell. There are hints.
I really hate all this. I'm not pretty, I'm not skinny, I'm not tall, I'm not smart, I can't do sport for nuts, I'm not exactly the most popular girl in school, all I want to do is not live because there is clearly no purpose of my existence. I can't see how I will benefit others around me.
The weekend's coming to an end now.
I'll probably post again next weekend when I get the time to.
So have a good week, everyone, where ever you are.
Peace out! :)
